To find out that the House Of Commons has a “Art Budget” that is seemingly bigger than Hull City Councils education one is a little bit of a kick in the teeth. Then to find out that MP’s have finished spending a whopping £250K on paintings of themselves is a little less like a kick in the teeth and much more like having Nick Clegg coming round to your house pissing on your fridge and then raping your mouth.
The paintings (seemingly done by a child with no arms and extreme epilepsy) capture nothing but the soulless look most MP’s sport when asked about anything. Each and every one of them is a vanity project that is quite simply inexcusable. It’s the sort of shit that revolutionaries burn when they storm the political powerbases.
Ken Clarke has had one done, in it he looks like a melted waxwork (which he kinda does in real life) beckoning to a seagull that has landed on his fire place. It cost eight grand I can only assume the artist charged a quid for every bad idea Clarkes had this week.
The political behemoth that is Iain Duncan Smith has had a £10K one done, he stands in a pose that clearly reveals he has done very little belt tightening. In fact the belt has been well and truly let out and he has the look of a touchy feely uncle cornering you in the kitchen at Christmas.
Diane Abbott’s honestly makes it look like the top half of a full frontal nude shoot. If there was one thing I never wanted to write on my website was “Diane Abbott full frontal nude shoot”. It looks like a bad caricature drawn on the beach by a heroin addicted sailor.
My personal favourite though is the twenty two grand (and a fifteen grand frame) picture of John Bercow. A portrait of somebody who’s sole responsibility seems to be stopping his wife from banging a Gypsy bare knuckle boxer (Sally Bercow is his wife if you didn’t know, Google her that joke makes sense) cost more than most nurses earn in a year.
But by far and away the crowning glory of this daisy chain of arty wanking is the £11,750 spent on a bronze sculpture of Margret Thatcher. They should have done the thing out of coal that would have been cheaper.